Chris Howlett

SuperMom!

"All mothers are working mothers." - Unknown

What's for Mother's Day Dinner? The answer is usually a local restaurant. It's interesting that in so many homes, the food preparation is still mostly handled by Mom. Sure, Dad can find his way around a grill, but even then he depends on Mom to prepare the sides and set the table. So, if we're going to give Mom a break we head to a restaurant. The restaurant business loves this, but the situation says something about gender roles and the load of responsibilities that moms are asked to bear. 

What it says about gender roles is that while we as a culture have spent the last fifty years (or more) attempting to redefine gender roles, basically trying to abolish them, making husband's and wives roles identical in the home, or more equitable, or shared, but it hasn’t really succeeded. While a far greater percentage of mothers with children under age 18 who are working at paid jobs outside the home today than in the 1950s, a corresponding decrease of the load of domestic responsibilities on moms has not occurred. Moms are still mostly responsible for laundry, housework, food prep, clothing shopping, etc. Dads, generally, take care of the physical plant: mowing, weed eating, fixing things that break, etc. Hours spend on these responsibilities pale in comparison to the responsibilities of moms.

I am aware of dads who shoulder their part of the domestic burden, so I don't need the emails informing me of all the wonderful things you guys are doing. I am speaking in generalities, and generally speaking, moms, in addition to working full-time outside the home, continue to shoulder the majority of the work inside the home.

This is a big part of what's behind the SuperMom Syndrome that many young women struggle with in today's world. They want to work and be career women, they want to raise a family, and that entails working two full-time jobs. Mom is already a huge job, really far more than full-time. Adding a second full-time career on top of that already demanding responsibility is crushing. 

Solutions? Well, I think there might be a few options. Let me outline in the broadest terms what I see as a sensible, Christ-centered approach. First, if you don't have time for God in your life, you're far busier than God wants you to be. Second, if you are exhausted all the time, you are far busier than God wants you to be. I have a feeling that for many working moms, this is the constant reality. So, there's a desperate need to lighten the load. There are several approaches: 1. Dads need to pick up the pace in a major way, sharing the domestic role equally (by the way, kids can do housework, too). 2. Put the career on hold and be a stay-at-home mom. This might seem drastic, but drastic times call for drastic measures. This might mean downsizing the house or number of cars, and a host of other cost-cutting measures. We tend to want to live at a much higher standard of living than one income can support and call it "need." 3. Significantly lower housekeeping standards. The family unit might not like this, but if they’re not willing to jump on #1 and if they’re not willing to take the financial hit of #3, then the standards must come down. Sure, you need to maintain a healthy and sanitary environment, but the incessant pursuit for the elusive perfect home is going to have to wait. I haven't even broached the single-mom dilemma!

There's more to all of this. The main thing is that moms are frazzled. Our culture's insistence on the SuperMom Syndrome is not healthy for moms, dads, or kids. It certainly isn't doing anything for the Kingdom of God, which is the main thing life is supposed to all about. Remember Matt. 6:33?

Well, this eVotional is way too long. So be sure to be in worship this Sunday as I share the next message in the "You Can't Do It" series: "You Can't Be SuperMom." This is a message for the whole family!

How Big Is Your God?

“Are your problems bigger than God, or is God bigger than your problems? Our biggest problem is a small view of God.” – Mark Batterson

How big is your God? That’s a question we need to hear when we perceive our problems are too big to handle. The truth is that oftentimes our problems are too big to handle... alone. That’s both bad news and good news. It’s bad news because we discover we can’t do anything and everything with our own strength. It’s good news because it’s an incredible opportunity to learn how to trust God. God is big. God is on our side.

The Bible says, “If God is for us, who can be against us?” (Rom. 8:31). Of course, this is a rhetorical question. The answer is no one. If God is for us then the greatest person and strongest power in the universe is on our side and no matter what might rise up against us, it is minuscule compared to the greatness of our loving God.

So, next time, perhaps this week, when you feel like you’re in a bind or facing a problem bigger than yourself, rejoice! It’s a wonderful opportunity to put your faith into action and trust the God who loves you, who cares for you, and is big enough to do something about it.

 

On Saint Valentine's Day

“Love is the revelation of our deepest personal meaning, value and identity. But this revelation remains impossible as long as we are the prisoners of our own egoism. I cannot find myself in myself, but only in another.” - Thomas Merton

    If you gave the above quote only a cursory reading, read it again. Merton offers profound insight into Matthew 22:37-39 where Jesus says the greatest commandment is to love God and the second is like it, love your neighbor as yourself. To love my neighbor is, in a sense to love myself because when I reach outside of my self to love, I discover what true love is and am even able to receive love myself. Of course, there is the chicken and egg question. Which came first, my reception of God’s love, or my sharing love with my neighbor?

    I think this is a mathematics question that cannot be answered by our limited human logic. No doubt, God gave us wonderful minds to think amazingly complex thoughts, but God’s thoughts are higher than our thoughts, and his ways are higher than our ways.

    I have found it to be true that we always obey this command, to love our neighbors as ourselves. We obey this because our reaching out in love toward our neighbor is predicated on our ability to receive love from God. If I can’t receive God’s love I won’t love myself very much and I will not be able to love others. People who don’t know love don’t love.

    Ultimately, the “other” to whom Merton refers is God. I find my true self in God and in God’s love for me because I am a unique creation of his and I bear his image deep within my being. Today is Valentine’s Day, and as the legend goes, Valentine was a man who sacrificially loved others, defying the orders of the Emperor by performing clandestine marriages. What made him miraculous and saintly was not romantic love, but sacrificial love. For most people, romantic love can be boiled down to lust. Lust is all about me. Sacrificial love, on the other hand is best modeled in the love of Jesus who laid down his life for us. Valentine understood this. His response to the sacrificial love of God was to sacrificially love others, in so doing he discovered his true self.

Moses and the Ten Suggestions

I’ve come up with an idea: a way to contemporize the Ten Commandments. I thought I would offer these as a way of making the Bible more approachable. I was thinking about producing a new film, instead of  “Moses and the Ten Commandments,” I’ll name my film, “Moses and the Ten Suggestions.” Instead of someone in the lead role like Charlton Heston, I thought we’d go with Larry the Cable Guy.

Moses and the Ten Suggestions

1. I am the Lord thy God, thou shalt not have many other gods before me.

2. Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain unless you hit thy thumb with a hammer, or someone cuts you off in traffic, or you get a bad grade on an exam, or... oh what the heck, don’t do it unless something bad happens.

3. Remember the Sabbath day is the day for golf, fishing, shopping, sleeping in, thy kid’s sporting events, or anything that seems mildly fun or interesting.

4. It’s probably a good idea to call thy mother on Mother’s Day. Dad can take care of himself.

5. Thou shalt not murder anyone who doesn’t deserve it.

6. Thou shalt not commit adultery unless thy spouse has not been paying attention to you lately.

7. Thou shalt not steal when someone is watching.

8. Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor if telling the truth is to thy advantage.

9. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s house, unless it’s really, really cool.

10. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s wife, unless she’s really, really hot.

Unfortunately, this is how some of us approach the commands of God, we obey when it’s convenient, when someone else is watching, when it won't cost us too much. We fail to realize the instructions from God that are in the Bible, the commandments God gives are for the purpose of helping us live the very best life possible. The commands of God are really life preservers, boundaries set up to empower us to live a life of happiness, wholeness, and abundance.

Jesus says: “If you love me, you will obey what I command” (John 14:15 NIV84). If we really want to show God how much we love him we can follow his plans and principles because he loves us so much. You’ll never regret following God.

The School of Adversity

“There is no education like adversity.” – Benjamin Disraeli

    In human life it is impossible to avoid suffering. Siddhartha Gautama, the man who later became known as the Buddha, was raised in a highly privileged and protected environment as the son of a royal. When he was a young man he escaped the confines of the family compound where his every need had been met and every whim obeyed, and came face to face with real life. He witnessed poverty, death, and suffering. This was a shock to his system. He came to believe that human life, itself, consisted of suffering and that the only way out of this suffering was to basically cease being human.

    God saw our suffering and pain and decided the only way for humans to experience fulfilling lives was for him to send his only Son to enter into human suffering and redeem it for his purposes. The Buddha advises that we escape adversity. Jesus promises to suffer with us and speak meaning into adversity by suffering on behalf of a hurting and dying world. The resurrection of Jesus points to the defeat of suffering and the truth that human life is not defined by pain and death, but by love and life.   

    Sin is the cause of human suffering, but God uses suffering to shape and mold our character. He can turn pain into promise if we allow his healing presence to open our eyes to a bigger picture perspective about ourselves, life, and the world in which we live. The most inspirational stories I know are about people, with God’s help, who overcome the adversity they experience and live life far beyond the limits they initially believed their circumstances dictated.

    When you find yourself suffering, think of it as schooling and look for the life lessons and hope Jesus Christ brings because he has entered suffering for and with us.

Forrest Gump on the Meaning of Life

 

“Jenny, I don't know if Momma was right or if, if it's Lieutenant Dan. I don't know if we each have a destiny, or if we're all just floating around accidental-like on a breeze, but I, I think maybe it's both. Maybe both is happening at the same time.” - Forrest Gump

I am a huge Forrest Gump fan. I was tremendously disappointed when Paramount sold Kings Island and they got rid of the Bubba Gump Shrimp Co. restaurant! Gump is a classic Christ figure in the film who redeems the lives of those with whom he interacts. Perhaps the biggest redemption story in the film is the redemption of Jenny, who plays a kind of anti-Forrest role through most of the film, living according to a very different set of standards, making tragically self-destructive decisions.

This quote comes from the end of the movie, when Forrest is speaking to Jenny at her grave site. She has died of AIDS related complications. He asks an age-old question: Is life following a predetermined course or is it arbitrary? Is there a great puppeteer in the sky pulling our strings or are we simply a random conglomeration of DNA muddling our way through a meaningless existence? I think Forrest is actually on to something. It’s neither. Not that his answer is fully intellectually or, for that matter, biblically satisfying, but he is moving in the right direction.

Life is neither predetermined nor random. God, through his Providential action is moving his good creation toward a purposeful climax and he calls people to join him in fulfilling his plan. However, because he created us in his image, he endowed us with free will and we are constantly participating with him in creating and recreating the world in which we live. God has a plan and his desire is that we join him in that plan. He wants us to live for his purpose and be blessed to participate in the renewal of the face of the earth. We are not random, but we are not robots, either.

This week, at Christ Church, I will continue the message series, Happy New You! with the message, Living On Purpose. God has a plan and purpose for your life. Following his plan always leads to greater sense of fulfillment, accomplishment, and peace. However, he will not force us to follow his plan. We’d be silly to miss it, though!!

Be Like a Shepherd

“The shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God.” Luke 2:20a (NRSV)

Following their encounter with the angel and going to Bethlehem to see for themselves the newborn Savior, Messiah, and Lord, they returned to their fields. They went back to work watching over the sheep. Yet, they were changed.

When you have an experience with the Living Lord, your life will never be the same. The shepherds adopted a new lifestyle of praise. That night altered their attitudes. Being shepherds outside of Bethlehem, they were most likely faithful Jews, who did their best to follow the regulations of the Law and worship in their synagogue and periodically in the Temple in nearby Jerusalem. After meeting Jesus, they were different. They were still shepherds watching sheep outside Bethlehem, they still occupied a relatively low spot on the socioeconomic scheme, but now their lives were marked with praise. They continually gave glory to God.

Do you think of your life as giving glory to God? Do you think that what you do in worship gives glory to God? If someone said to you “Give glory to God,” what would you do?

I think the shepherds did two things to glorify God. First, they told their story. They shared with other people in Bethlehem and on their way back out to the fields, and later with their families, what they had seen and heard: that Jesus the Messiah was born and God was ushering in his new age of renewal and redemption. The second way they glorified God was by praising God, giving God thanks for his goodness, for his redemption, for his love. The first they did as part of their everyday lives and interactions with others, the second came in the context of communal and continual worship. An encounter with Jesus changes your perspective. It helps you see the world as it truly is: the place that God created for us to enjoy a relationship with him. Everything that is exists to glorify God.

This Christmas, as we move through the message series CSI: Bethlehem (Christmas Scene Investigation), let’s have our eyes opened by God’s grace to change us and change the way we give glory to God.

Investment Plan

“A man has made at least a start on discovering the meaning of human life when he plants shade trees under which he knows full well he will never sit.” — D. Elton Trueblood

How many people have invested in your life? Parents. Teachers. Youth ministers. Coaches. Mentors. Pastors. Friends.

A guest preacher came to our church when I was young. He was the former pastor of the church where my father was serving at the time. It was a relatively small church in rural Warren County. Dad introduced him to the congregation just before he spoke, sharing all his accomplishments since he left that church, which were many. When the man stood up to speak he said that he felt like a turtle on a fence post: if you ever see one you know he didn’t get up there on his own.

We are all like the turtle. We didn’t get where we are on our own. Someone helped us. Someone along the way invested energy and effort into our lives. Ultimately, God is the one who invested in us and made it possible for us to live life and experience hope and fulfillment. Our lives are God’s gift to us. How we live our lives are our gifts to God and others. How are you investing your life?

A Great Sermon on Hell

I received a lot of feedback on my last post concerning Rob Bell's video promoting his new book in which it seems he might be lurching toward universalism and away from the traditional Christian understanding of the existence of hell.

This morning I read an excellent sermon on the subject of hell by my good friend and fellow Beeson Pastor, Bob Kaylor of Tri-Lakes United Methodist Church in Monument, Colorado. Bob is a great preacher whose sermons and articles are featured in Homiletics, a journal for preachers.

So, check this out, he posted it on his blog, you might learn something. You might even be inspired.

Struggling With Abuse

    Sunday, January 30, 2011 I shared the message: Honor Mom & Dad, the fifth in the series, Life Preservers: 10 Commandments for Life. This message was based on Exodus 20:12 “Honor your father and mother so that your days may be long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.” As of this writing the message has not been posted to the church website, but it will be soon. Go here to check it out.

    In the Sunday morning message I did not address what to do in the case of abusive parents, but promised I would post on this blog some help and hope for those who have struggled with abuse. So, this is my follow through on that promise.

    I want to begin by saying that the Bible is not silent on the matter of child abuse. The Bible does not foresee a perfect situation where all parents want and love all their children. Child abuse is not a taboo topic in the church, although, unfortunately, it has been treated that way in the past. Two passages that are particularly important are:

“Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. ‘Honor your father and mother’—this is the first commandment with a promise: ‘so that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth.’ And, fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” Ephesians 6:1-4 (NRSV)

“Children, obey your parents in everything, for this is your acceptable duty in the Lord. Fathers, do not provoke your children, or they may lose heart.” Colossians 3:20-21 (NRSV)

    There is a Biblical assumption here that some parents will cross the line and act in abusive ways toward their children, and that this behavior is inexcusable. For some reason, and I think it is because these passages have been so misused for so long by persons who wish to “lord it over” their families, we have been under the false assumption that parents have an absolute authority over their children. However, the Biblical witness is clear that this is not true. There are certain behaviors that are unacceptable. Children have a standing with God.

    There were times, and in some places this is still true today, when parents were given free reign over their children because others considered it untoward to interfere. It was considered the parent’s right to treat their children any way they felt appropriate. This attitude presupposes that children are property of parents, which is not a Biblical view at all. Children, in the Bible, are seen as unique individuals worthy of dignity and respect. Jesus welcomed little children and warned those who would lead them astray (Mark 10:13-16; Matt. 18:6).

    In the Ephesians and Colossians passages above, parents, in particular, fathers are instructed to not provoke their children. There are actually two different Greek words used here. One means do not “provoke, embitter, irritate” (Eph), the other means do not “anger or exasperate” (Col). To do so would be to use excessive discipline and make unreasonably harsh demands or to treat children in an arbitrary manner, forcing compliance simply to prove one’s authority. Condemnation of a child or any gross insensitivity to a child’s sensibilities that would break his or her spirit is proscribed.

    If this issue is addressed in the Bible one must assume this behavior was occurring with great enough frequency to warrant the apostle’s attention. So, abuse is nothing new. Children are commanded to obey, but parents are equally commanded to treat children with dignity.

    So, the main question I want to address here is, “How do I honor my parents if my parents are, or have been, abusive?” What type of abuse am I talking about? Any type. Physical, sexual, emotional, and neglect.  Any abuse is too much abuse and makes it rather difficult for children to “honor” their parents in the way in which Exodus 20:12 was intending.

    The first thing I want to say to children who have been abused is that I am so sorry this has happened to you. You did not deserve it. Period. There is nothing you could have done or not done to deserve to be abused by anyone, particularly your parents. No matter the circumstances surrounding your conception, you are a gift of God, created in his image and precious in his sight. He loves you so much that he sent Jesus to make a way for you to be in relationship with himself and he is infinitely concerned about your well-being. Unfortunately, some people are so broken that they perpetrate evil acts against those whom God has entrusted into their care. My prayer is for your healing, physically, spiritually, and emotionally, so that God can redeem even this most painful experience.

    The second thing is that God has never abandoned you, even in the moment of your greatest pain. He has suffered along with you and for you. The greatest revelation about God’s nature is the revelation of the Suffering God, the God on the Cross. In Jesus, God identifies with all the suffering of humanity from beginning to end, and in this suffering, physical, emotional, and spiritual, he takes on all of our suffering. He does not minimize it or dismiss it, but absorbs it and redeems it through the power of the resurrection. So amazing is this experience of redemptive suffering that Paul wrote: “‘Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?’ The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ” 1 Cor. 15:55-57 (NRSV). So, claim the victory of your healing and then trust Christ to work out the ramifications of healing in your life.

    Now, to the original question: How does one honor one’s parents if one or both were abusive? There is a bit of a clue in the passage from Ephesians 6:1: “Children, obey your parents in the Lord…” John Calvin, the great 16^th century reformer declared that the “in the Lord” phrase implies that whatever instructions given by parents need to be consistent with Christian principles. Obviously abuse is not. This is not a carte blanche, blanket license for parents. It is an admonishment to them to raise children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

    There is a principle of honoring parents, however, even if they have been abusive. Honor them in the sense that you give them the respect that is due to parents. The respect due them is not based on their performance, but on their position. However, this respect must come within the appropriate personal boundaries. This means, for adult survivors of abuse, that they may not have much contact, if any, with abusive parents. For children who are still at home this means you need to seek out the help of a responsible adult, not in your family, who can report the abuse and get the help you need. You can respect and honor your parents, but do it from afar if they cannot or will not honor your personhood, the fact that you are a unique creation, a person who embodies the image of God. Abuse is violence against God, himself.

    I once counseled a woman whose mother died without ever, not one time, telling her daughter that she loved her. She was abused physically, sexually, and emotionally. Yet, this woman was struggling with the lack of acceptance of this abusive mother even after her mother had died. God was able to bring a measure of healing as she reflected on the amazingly painful childhood her mother experienced and as she trusted in Christ for the love she never received from her mother. It was a long process. There were many tears and it took a lot of work on her part. But, God is faithful, and she was able to come to a point of honoring the memory of her mother, forgive her mother, and seek healing in other relationships in her life.

    There are different types of abuse. Some leave physical marks, all leave emotional pain. If you are or have been the victim of abuse, let me encourage you to seek the help of a professional Christian counselor who has experience helping people move forward in the healing process and set up and maintain appropriate boundaries. If, again, you are in an abusive situation right now, please seek out a school counselor, teacher, pastor, someone who can help you find a safe place and get the help you need.

    God designed the family primarily to propagate the faith. The faith is always one generation away from dying out. Parents have the huge responsibility of helping their children experience the love of Christ. Abuse has the potential to destroy this process and make it very difficult for their children to open up to receive the love of God. If their primary spiritual examples abuse them, the damage can last a lifetime. It does not have to, though. God is a God who heals and redeems. Every day people overcome the pain of an abusive past and are able to move forward in healing and wholeness by the gracious intervention of the God who suffers when we suffer.